Friday, January 30, 2009

Speechless...No more words?

I went back to my grandparents' house yesterday. I am not stable recently and I need a place to calm myself. A room for one's own. Bak kate Virginia Woolf :)

Well, I have this unexplainable feeling towards certain things. When this feeling appears, I usually failed to control myself. I act different than usual. This evening, my colleagues asked me, was I alright since I did not talk much today.

Tomorrow is my rest day. It supposed to when I realized my colleague applied for annual leave this weekends. I have to cover the office. Gosh, me again? I am so tired. I hope there will be no major issue tomorrow.

Few days ago, a person asked me to join them for a picnic. I have to make a choice, between family and friends. My siblings are home until this weekend. It has been a while since our last meeting. Of course, i will choose my family over a luxurious or enjoyable picnic session! So, i turned them down. This was before I found out that I have to cover the office. After I've been told, my heart broke into pieces. Sad. I told that person, I have to work, on Friday and Saturday but that person has no expression. Well, I am not as important as the others.

They were planning to go to Pangkor Island. I think eight of them. Two days, one night. Leaving me behind. I have no regret. I can assure that. Just sad. None of them talk to me about Pangkor after they knew I cannot go. I felt like I am invisible. There is a hole in my heart. Like a Hollow. If any of you watch Japanese Anime, Bleach, you'll know what I am talking about.

I told my good friends some of my stories. Hoping to heal my heart a bit. But nothing happened. My unexplainable feeling is still wrapping my heart and soul. I need to erase this weird feeling. I never feel like this before. Am I mad?